Just the other day I really watched the shit out of the 1984 cult classic gemstone, The Toxic Avenger. I was thoroughly impressed with how consistently the flow of junk came from the film, real quality crap. It is difficult to replicate without seeming campy. However I think that if you remove the toxic avenger from the picture and say replace him with Burt Reynolds, you have a real classic on your hands. Maybe even give cannonball run a run for its money. Its title could be The Avenger, or maybe The Toxic Shock Avenger. Oh yea, and sign on Jerry Reed, and we're ready to roll.
CHUBBY RESTAURANTEUR NECROZOOPHILE
In this scene it would seem that this fat fuck was tuggin' his summer sausage, and being turned on by the death of this seeing eye dog. Instead he is just reachin' for his bourbon stow spot, to pour some liquor for his goldie.
JIVE ASS CORNISH HEN
Here we have Jessie Jackson wearing a XL-Breathe Right Nasal Strip. Apparently he has breathing problems on top of having his arm ripped off. Around the same time Jessie appeared on Sesame Place.
ONE EYED SLACKS SERPENT
In this scene Joseph Merrick walks in on a femme masturbating in a cedar sauna. Instead of joining her he drops her ass on the hot rocks. What the fuck is wrong with him?
HOCUS POCUS
I think that Kathy Najimy from the 90's BLOCKBUSTAH Hocus Pocus was an extra in the film, only for about a second. I wrote a letter to her manager to verify my accusations. I will keep you posted. Bette Midler, and Sarah Jessica parker were in Hocus Pocus Too.
FEELING HOARSE
Pete Roses' lil brother Dennis Souder is seen here selling bootleg botox to this feathery lady. In the following scene you
see what happens due to him getting high on his own supply.
These 2 gays are alarmed because they also purchased his product.
12 YEAR OLD VIRGIN, MAYBE
This gentleman in the limo is sitting with his 12 year old trick. He is trying to push his product to a guy that just pissed his acid wash.
IT'S MY GIFT IN A BOX
This is the aftermath the dry-cleaner is dealing with after Dr. Werner Klopek's xmas special got a little to jolly.
His poor wife Mrs. Haskell is trying to pass it off as her famous tapioca fondue.
GDA GERMAN DEPARTMENT OF AGRICULTURE
These 2 gays are again floored when they took a tour of their favorite German turkey sausage factory and found that the turkey dog had a pork casing instead of the assumed human casing.
A VIEW TO A THRILL
Max Zorin enjoying a laugh at the spa, shortly before saving his moustache.
COCAINE COWBOYS
These 2 jokesters drive around Newark snortin' bud, and drinkin' coke all day long. When you say freebase comes at a cost, the cops are the ones that pay.
BROWN OYSTER CULT
These are the founding members of the Brown Oyster Cult, basically a bunch of guys that dug dark meat. Founding member Bruce Dickinson went on to become a legendary music producer for the band Blue Oyster Cult.
YOUNG JEEZIE
In 1987 Lil'Wayne was tied to a mattress and set on fire when he refused to smoke crack. These are the photos of the before and after plastic surgery of his 4th degree burns. They did a pretty good job!
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